FOOTY FAIR

10 Funny Football Manager Quotes

2016-05-02T10:07:00.000-04:00

Sam Allardyce, in the midst of trying to keep Sunderland in the Premier League, was accused of making "pre-historic" comments by Crystal Palace boss Alan Pardew this weekend when he claimed that Palace's players would have been "on the pop (booze)" after winning their FA Cup semi-final last weekend and might be pushovers for the struggling Black Cats.

It's not the first time that Allardyce has said something a little controversial, as he makes another fine contribution to our list of ten funny quotes from managers:

"All this tippy tappy stuff everybody keeps going on about as the right way to play football is all a load of bollocks." - Sam Allardyce on the Barcelona style of play.

"I still think I'm the best coach in the Premier League." - John Carver takes charge of Newcastle, temporarily.

"I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one." - Brian Clough, never one to talk down his ability.

"Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one." - Jose Mourinho arrived at Chelsea for the first time.

"Tell him he's Pele and get him back on." - Partick Thistle manager John Lambie after Colin McGlashan did not know who he was after suffering a concussion.

"Titus looks like Tyson when he strips off in the dressing-room, except he doesn’t bite and has a great tackle." - Sir Bobby Robson on Titus Bramble.

"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best.

Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee." - Ian Holloway after his QPR side secured a scruffy win over Chesterfield.

"It was a very simple team talk. All I used to say was: “Whenever possible, give the ball to George Best."” - Sir Matt Busby on tactics.

"The only way to stop Thierry Henry? With a gun!" - Gianluca Vialli

"I’d hang myself but we can’t afford the rope." - Hamilton Academical F.C. manager Iain Munro

10 Most Memorable Football Quotes of 2015

2015-12-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

This has been one heck of a year in football. Sure, there hasn't been a men's World Cup but that doesn't mean that there hasn't been plenty of memorable incidents.

From Barcelona's brilliance in club football, to surprise Euro 2016 qualifiers and American dominance at the Women's World Cup there has been plenty to fill column inches and YouTube highlight reels this year.

There have also been some incredible quotes, cracks and outbursts in 2015 and here are ten of the best:

1.) Jürgen Klinsmann

"I had a very severe word with Fabian Johnson, and I sent him home today. He can rethink his approach about his team." - Jürgen Klinsmann after USMNT fullback Fabian Johnson faked an injury during their match against Mexico in October.

2.) Don Garber

"There’s a development gap between the knowledge of our fan base and, in some cases, our broadcasters and the way the game has developed." - Don Garber on fan and media criticism of MLS referees.

3.) Jose Mourinho

"The lady is a bit confused, with all respect. I’m not laughing, because her husband went to Chelsea to replace Roberto Di Matteo and he went to Real Madrid and replaced Carlo Ancelotti. The only club where her husband replaced me was at Inter Milan, where in six months he destroyed the best team in Europe at the time. And for her also to think about me and to speak about me, I think she needs to occupy her time, and if she takes care of her husband’s diet she will have less time to speak about me." - Jose Mourinho, eloquently responding to comments made by Rafa Benitez's wife Montse.

4.) Jürgen Klopp

"I’m am not going to call myself anything. I am a normal guy from the Black Forest. My mother is watching this press conference at home. If you are going to call me anything, call me the normal one." - Jürgen Klopp goes out of his way at his first press conference to let the press know that he isn't Jose Mourinho.

5.) Jamie Vardy

"Chat Shit, get banged" - OK, Jamie Vardy actually tweeted this a few years ago, but that was before anyone besides his mom knew who he was.

6.) John Carver

"I am a positive guy. I still think I am the best coach in the Premier League." - John Carver goes into a dellusional meltdown while in temporary charge of Newcastle.

7.) Sam Allardyce

"All this tippy tappy stuff everybody keeps going on about as the right way to play football is all a load of bollocks." - "Big" Sam Allardyce calls it like he sees it.

8.) Sepp Blatter

"I'll be back." - Ban or no ban, FIFA supreme villain in chief Sepp Blatter promises to return.

9.) Michael O'Neill

"I wouldn’t like to comment on that. We may have rehydration issues." - When asked how his players were doing, Northern Ireland Michael O’Neill manager hints that they may have enjoyed a drink or two after qualifying for Euro 2016.

10.) Roy Keane

"Yes, why wouldn’t he be? He didn’t have the baby. Unless he’s breastfeeding he should be all right." - Republic of Ireland assistant manager Roy Keane still expected striker Robbie Keane to be available to face Germany despite the arrival of his second son.

10 of Mick McCarthy's Funniest Quotes

2015-12-16T12:57:00.000-05:00

After listening to Ipswich manager Mick McCarthy put a bumbling BBC interviewer in his place earlier this week, I thought it would be fun to look back at the former Republic of Ireland managers funniest quotes:

"Opinions are like backsides, we've all got them but it's not wise to air them in public."
"Anyone who uses the word 'quintisentially' in a half time talk is talking crap."
"What I learned from Jack [Charlton] - ensure that you're all inside the tent pissing out and get rid of any fellow who's outside the tent pissing in."
"Before the goal it was two rubbish teams playing rubbish football."
"The Serbian keeper is a big tart doing that [going down injured] because there's nothing wrong with him."
"I started [trying to give up alcohol] on Shrove Tuesday and then by Ash Wednesday something had happened and I'd had a bottle of beer."
"Some people might be frustrated with that result? Some people can fuck off."
"At the moment we've got 16 first team players. My initials stand for Mick McCarthy, not Merlin the Magician."
"We've got the drug testers here today. They shouldn't be going to see the players. They should go to see the officials instead."
Reporter: "No yellow cards today..."
McCarthy: "No and I asked all the lads to go out there and knock seven bells out of everybody as well like I normally do. Shame that isn't it? They went out there and played free-flowing football and were rampant for 45 minutes. What were they playing at?"

10 Best Quotes From Louis van Gaal

2015-07-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal is no stranger to controversy, leaving a wake of shaken up reporters, frustrated opponents and bitter former players behind him over his terrific managerial career.

He's also known for the odd outburst, either witty or outraged, when a microphone is in front of him. The following are ten of the best quotes from Louis van Gaal:

Upon taking his first managerial job at Ajax in 1991, Van Gaal shook the hand of the club’s director and told him: "Congratulations on signing the best coach in the world."
On taking the Barcelona job in 1996: "I have achieved more with Ajax in six years than Barcelona has in one hundred years."
Upon meeting a 14-year old Gerard Pique, Van Gaal knocked the future Mr. Shakira on the floor and yelled: "You’re too weak to be a Barca defender!"
After taking over the Dutch National side in 2000 he proclaimed: "I’ve signed a contract with the Dutch national team until 2006, so I can win the World Cup not once but twice."
Van Gaal introduced himself to the Bavarian press with the following self reflection: "I am who I am: confident, arrogant, dominant, honest, hard-working and innovative."
The Dutch boss approved of Barcelona hiring Guardiola back in 2008: "[Pep] Guardiola follows the Van Gaal philosophy. So I’m not surprised Bayern have hired Guardiola. Bayern always hire the best managers."
Van Gaal on his bedside manner: "I’ve never worn leggings like Robben does. I’m never cold because I’m warm bloooded. My wife says so too. We always sleep spooning."
When asked by a journalist if he wanted to congratulate his former friend Ronald Koeman with winning the Eredivisie with PSV: "If you want to, go ahead."
Van Gaal the sensitive type: "I cry almost every day. There’s always something that touches me."
When asked by a member of the English media what he knows about Manchester United: "That's a stupid question."

10 Funny Quotes From Harry Redknapp

2015-07-12T08:00:00.000-04:00

The 2015/2016 Premier League season will begin in August with the conspicuous absence of a certain Harry Redknapp from the touchlines of the English top flight. We'll also be denied seeing 'Arry interviewed through his car window by scoop hungry reporters on transfer deadline day, which is always a highlight.

In the meantime the former Portsmouth, QPR, Tottenham, West Ham, Southampton and Bournemouth manager will continue to work in the media and hopefully drop a few gems like the following:

On West Ham's former Portuguese loanee, Dani: "My missus fancies him. Even I don't know whether to play him or fuck him."
On QPR's struggles in 2013: "I hear that all the time that if they get relegated they want to go because they don't want to play in the Championship, but if they fucking played better, then they would not be in the Championship so that's a load of cobblers."
On finding a unique remedy for striker Kenwyne Jones' ankle injury: "He took a knock on his ankle but we played him some Bob Marley reggae music and he was fine."
On his days as a West Ham player: "Even when they had (Bobby) Moore, (Geoff) Hurst and (Martin) Peters, West Ham’s average finish was about 17th. It just shows how useless the other eight of us were."
On John Hartson: "John Hartson's got more previous than Jack the Ripper."
On Iain Dowie: "By the look of him he must have headed a lot of balls."
On Paolo Di Canio: "I was going to pull him off at half-time, but he got a piece of orange like everyone else."
On his sex life: "I sorted out the team formation last night lying in bed with the wife. When your husband's as ugly as me, you'd only want to talk football in bed."
On not getting the England job: "I wouldn't trust the FA to show me a good manager if their lives depended on it."
On whether he’d received death threats: "Only from the wife when I didn't do the washing-up."

10 Outrageous Quotes by Diego Maradona

2015-05-12T08:00:00.000-04:00

Argentinean legend Diego Maradona caused a minor stir this week after he dared to state that Real Madrid and Portugal forward Cristiano Ronaldo strikes more fear into the hearts of goalkeepers than his country's current favourite son Lionel Messi.

Taken in context though it isn't really that controversial what the former Napoli midfielder said:

"Cristiano is a predator in front of goal. You can’t let Cristiano shoot from anywhere in the opposition half.

Goalkeepers are scared of him. You have to be honest, goalkeepers are scared of Cristiano. They are not so scared of Messi in those areas because he doesn’t have the same power as Cristiano.

Cristiano is an incredible professional. I think at this present time he is right up there at Messi’s level."

In fact this is all rather lighthearted material from the man who often appears before a camera or a microphone without a filter.

Here are ten of his real gems:

My mother thinks I am the best. And I was raised to always believe what my mother tells me.
There would be no debate about who was the best footballer the world had ever seen - me or Pele. Everyone would say me.
Pele should go back to the museum.
Usually, when you see (Pele) these days, it's only at award ceremonies next to the president of FIFA and looking like a doll that's being moved by remote control
We all know what the French are like and Platini as a Frenchman thinks he knows it all.
My legitimate kids are Dalma and Giannina. The rest are a product of my money and mistakes.
I think (George W.) Bush is a murderer. I'm going to head the march against him stepping foot on Argentine soil.
Maybe Neymar is the best player in the world, but only if you say that Messi is from a different planet.
I say this: the player who scores our winning goal in the final is free to enter me from behind
To those who did not believe: now suck my dick - I'm sorry ladies for my words - and keep on sucking it. I am either white or black. I will never be grey in my life. You treated me as you did. Now keep on sucking dicks. I am grateful to my players and to the Argentinian people. I thank no one but them. The rest, keep on sucking dicks.

10 Things Jermain Defoe will Never Say about Toronto FC

2015-04-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

It has been almost four months since his departure from Toronto FC of the MLS, but the wound left by Jermain Defoe is far from healing.

His one year stay with the club had mixed reviews and it had its fair share of ups and downs. What started as a promised relationship between club and player, ended in a bitter divorce that left fans wanting his head and calling him a mercenary.

In all interviews that Defoe has given and will give, he is most likely to comment on his time in Toronto, but these are ten sentences that he will never say about his experience in MLS.

“I had plans to finish my career in Toronto, but the club didn’t want to keep me any further.”

“The weather in Toronto is great, almost tropical when compared to the miserable fog and rain of London.”

“Canada is my second home; I am keeping my house there and plan on spending my offseason enjoying the beach in Wasaga.”

“MLS is almost at the same level as EPL, in two more years they may be neck and neck fighting for viewers.”

“Toronto FC is a stronger team now that I left, this year they will be in the playoffs.”

“I returned to London not by choice, but because I am allergic to maple syrup.”

“Toronto FC is not the reason I wasn’t selected to the England National Team, my lack of quality and consistency is the main reason, also the fact that I was injured played a small role.”

“The thing I will miss the most about Toronto is the -35C weather. I couldn’t get enough of that.”

“Leaving Toronto FC was a step back in my career, but sometimes you have to take two steps back before you can take one step forward.”

“Toronto FC is to MLS what Real Madrid is to La Liga, minus the titles, great players, incredible stadium, millions of fans, and incredible history.”

10 Things you Won’t Hear at Chelsea’s Team Meeting

2015-04-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

We would all love to be a fly on the wall during a Chelsea’s team meeting, so we can hear what Mourinho or the players have to say to eachother.

Since we don’t have that ability, I thought I would go the opposite direction and come up with the “10 Things You Won’t Hear at Chelsea’s Team Meeting”. There are better odds at me getting this right than ever being able to get to be a part of the discussions and conversations that happen inside that locker room.

“John, can you take my wife shopping? She needs underwear and I just have no time to take her to the mall.”

“If only our club had money to buy some quality players, we could really contend for the title.”

“Mourinho is such a humble guy.”

“Alright boys, tonight we are going to try something different and play with 3 strikers and no holding mid.”

“I heard that Abramovich took a loan to buy a car, and he is not able to make the payments anymore.”

“Will the guy who took Willian’s Head & Shoulders please stand up?”

“What this team needs is more foreigners.”

“On gameday Stamford Bridge reminds me of ‘La Bombonera’”

“The goal this year is to avoid relegation.”

“Ivanovic, how do you feel about us signing Suarez next summer?”

10 Great Quotes from Jürgen Klopp

2015-03-31T12:00:00.000-04:00

When you think of outspoken coach’s one name must pop into your mind almost immediately, Jürgen Klopp.

The Dortmund coach is one of the most eccentric and outspoken coaches in modern football, a true maverick of the game, someone who does what he wants, when he wants and how he wants it. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that he has had a variety of one liners and incredibly funny quotes over the years.

Here are ten of my favorite quotes from the German coach that has been able to set himself apart from all others.

“During the first interview, I was very disappointed. During the second one I already felt a bit better. If I wait half an hour, I’ll probably have the feeling that we won.”

“I told my players during the break: Since we’re here anyway, we might actually play a bit of football.”

“We have a bow and arrow, and if we aim well, we can hit the target. The problem is that Bayern has a bazooka.”

“The reason Gotze is leaving? He wants to work with this extraordinary coach that is Guardiola. So if it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine. I cannot make myself 15cm shorter and learn Spanish.”

“Go through the world and find me a team who can finish champions in the same league as Bayern. If we should finish second this summer, I’ll find a truck and drive it through my garden. If nobody will rejoice, I’ll do it alone.”

“I asked the fourth official: how many mistakes are you allowed to make? If it’s 15, you have one left.”

“Shinji Kagawa is one of the best players in the world. But at United he plays 20 minutes per game. And on the left. My heart breaks when I see that. A tear springs up in my eye.”

“I sent him a text message saying: ‘Schalke????????’. He was a good guy – until this morning. Why Kevin? He was at Milan.”

“If the audience wants emotions, but you offer lawn chess, either you or they must look for a new stadium.”

“In my playing career I never succeeded in bringing to the field what was going on in my brain. I had the talent for the 5th division, and the mind for the Bundesliga. The result was a career in the 2nd division.”

10 Best Quotes from Diego Simeone

2015-03-24T12:00:00.000-04:00

One of the best coaches in world football, Diego Simeone has taken Atletico Madrid to the top of Spanish football. The Argentine coach is not only known for his ability to lead his club but also for the incredible quotes he has given us over the years.

Sharply dressed and with a sharp tongue, Diego Simeone enters every press conference ready to set the world on fire, and these are ten of my favorite quotes from “El Cholo”.

“Call me crazy, but I would never coach Real Madrid. I am a fan of Racing and Atletico. I would never coach Independiente and I wouldn’t coach Madrid. It would be foolish.”

“I want to thank all the mothers of my players for giving them so big balls.”

“I apologize because I laughed at Ronaldo and Ramos comments after el clasico….Neymar is a real actor.”

“When I reach a Cup final, my players already know what is going to be my headline quote: You don’t play finals, you win them.”

“I manage a team as if it were my family. From that feeling, everyone makes up a part of my team. From the club president to the groundsman. The most difficult thing is to make them all feel that they are an important part within the group. It’s a difficult task, but if you achieve such a thing, it’s easier for success to come.”

“A player who prefers to be comfortable at a small club where he is the big fish in a small pond will watch cup finals on television.”

“The members of our group who are substitutes on the bench or in the stands, are just as important as the starting XI. Titles are not won with only eleven players. The entire team wins them.”

“The ‘Cholo’ nickname was given to me by a Velez Sarsfield youth coach, Oscar Nessi. He had a footballer at Boca Juniors named Simeone who they called ‘Cholo’. One day in training he called me that and it stayed with me.”

“No, absolutely no. Madrid and Barcelona play in a different league. This is a boring championship for the rest of the supporters who can only aspire to be third or fourth. We’ll have to wait for a different distribution of television money because now the league is only of two.”

“The group has to be with you. It has to believe in you, if it doubts or doesn’t trust you, obstacles begin to appear in your path.”

Top 10 Brian Clough Quotes

2015-03-21T20:00:00.001-04:00

Today would have marked the 80th birthday of legendary English football Manager Brian Clough. To celebrate the life of the two time European Cup winning coach, we take a look at the best 10 quotes from the often controversial football figure.

After a streaker interrupted Derby’s game against Man Utd: “The Derby players saw more of his balls than the one they’re meant to be playing with!”

“On occasions I have been big headed. I think most people are when they get in the limelight. I call myself Big Head just to remind myself not to be.”

“Walk on water? I know most people out there will be saying that instead of walking on it, I should have taken more of it with my drinks. They are absolutely right.”

“If a chairman sacks the manager he initially appointed, he should go as well.”

About disagreements with players: “We talk about it for 20 minutes and then we decide I was right.”

About Keane: “I only ever hit Roy once. He got up so I couldn't have hit him very hard.”

“Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particular job.”

“I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one.”

About Martin O’Neil’s success at Leicester City: “Anybody who can do anything in Leicester other than knit a jumper has got to be a genius. If he’d been English or Swedish, he’d have walked the England job.”

About Forest midfielder Brian Rice: “I’m not saying he’s pale and thin, but the maid in our hotel room pulled back the sheets and remade the bed without realizing he was still in it!”

10 Most Interesting Quotes About David Beckham

2015-03-10T16:00:00.000-04:00

Far from the football fields but surely not forgotten, David Beckham has proved to be a winner in his professional career, playing for some of the biggest clubs on the planet and winning titles in some of the most demanding leagues.

The former LA Galaxy player is better known for his passing, free kicks, underwear commercials and his off the field persona, and while plenty has been said about David Beckham, one thing is surely true, he has always proven to be a professional.

Hated or loved, there seems to be no grey area when it comes to how one feels about David Beckham. Here are ten of the most interesting quotes about David Beckham, the player, the person, the man.

"He was never a problem until he got married. He used to go into work with the academy coaches at night time, he was a fantastic young lad. Getting married into that entertainment scene was a difficult thing - from that moment, his life was never going to be the same. He is such a big celebrity, football is only a small part."
Sir Alex Ferguson in 2007 speaking about Beckham's marriage to pop star Victoria Beckham.

"Maybe he's not a leader, maybe he's not a captain. Fair enough. But at a minimum you should bust your ass every day. That hasn't happened. And I don't think that's too much for us to expect."
Los Angeles Galaxy team-mate Landon Donovan. He eventually apologised for airing his opinions in a book.

"How can you forget that 60-yard goal? He tried it about 10 minutes before he scored and I said to my assistant Brian Kidd, "If he tries that again, he's off. At the time, David was getting carried away a bit and you are always trying to keep his feet on the ground. When the goal goes in, Kiddo turns to me and says, "We'll have to take him off!"'
Sir Alex Ferguson on Beckham's goal from the halfway line against Wimbledon in 1996

"What better person to look at than my husband to see how somebody can turn that all around. David is...eh...I call him Goldenballs."
Wife Victoria revealing her nickname for Beckham on Parkinson in 2001

"I've tried to speak to him about it - but I can't understand him."
Real Madrid teammate Roberto Carlos on Beckham's affair with Rebecca Loos

"His football does not seem to suffer by all of this going on around him. You look at his passing and he makes it look so simple. When he passes the ball, it always seems to go where he wants it to go. That sounds simple, but believe me, it is not."
Coach Graham Taylor

"Signing players of Beckham's stature would be a wonderful step in the right direction not just for the Galaxy but for soccer in America."
Former Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas

"He is a tremendous player and he has contributed so much to the success of Manchester United. He is a world-class performer, so any team would want to accommodate him."
Zinedine Zidane

"He's a winner. There's no doubt about that, and it's stating the obvious to say that he's a tremendous talent."
Former English football great Kevin Keegan

“In my opinion David Beckham is the one footballer of the modern generation who has done the game a great service. Football needs someone like him terribly badly, and providing he can keep a lid on his temper, he's the perfect frontman for the game."
Media personality Michael Parkinson

10 Best Arsène Wenger Quotes

2015-03-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

Arsène Wenger is one of the most well respected coaches in the world, and the Arsenal manager is known not only for all the success he has had with Arsenal over the years but also for his analytic and financial decisions while in charge of the London club.

He as a different look at the game and those that are in it, and that is very reflective of his personality and how he embraces the game of football.

This week I have decided to look at Wenger and at what I consider his ten best quotes and like a door to his soul, it gives you a glimpse at the man that has lead Arsenal for nearly two decades.

“Young players need freedom of expression to develop as creative players... they should be encouraged to try skills without fear of failure.”

“When you look at people who are successful, you will find that they aren't the people who are motivated, but have consistency in their motivation.”

“A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful. It is the same with a team. When you do not tell them they are good, they can also forget.”

“If you have the money and you find the one player who can make you win and make the difference, no matter how expensive he is, you should do it. But there are not many players in the world who will make a real difference.”

“I tried to watch the Spurs match on television in my hotel yesterday, but I fell asleep.”

“Some are wrong because they are not strong enough to fight temptation and some some are wrong because they do not know.”

“Football is an art, like dancing is an art - but only when it's well done does it become an art.”

“The communist model does not work economically, we all realized that, but the capitalist model in the modern world also looks to be unsustainable.”

“It's silly to work hard the whole week and then spoil it by not preparing properly before the game.”

“For me, motivation is a person who has the capability to recruit the resources he needs to achieve a goal.”

Top 10 Silvio Berlusconi Quotes

2015-02-10T12:00:00.000-05:00

The AC Milan owner is one of the most charismatic owners in World Football. Not only does he own one of the giants of Italian football he has also been the Prime Minister of Italy for three terms.

Now, one would think that the fact that he has an estimated net worth of US$9.0 billion and is a former Prime Minister would give this loose cannon a bit more stability and accountability. Instead he is a complete maverick, someone who plays by his own rules, says what he wants when he wants it and has no concern for what others may think of him.

Finding quotes to make a top 10 list wasn’t difficult, what was difficult was to narrow it down only to ten.

“Mussolini never killed anyone, he just sent dissenters abroad for vacation.”

“Only Napoleon did more than I have done. But I am definitely taller.”

“Barack Obama being young, handsome and sun-tanned is going to get along with you swimmingly.”

“Obviously the government of [Mussolini's] time, out of fear that German power might lead to complete victory, preferred to ally itself with Hitler's Germany rather than opposing it … The racial laws were the worst fault of Mussolini as a leader, who in so many other ways did well.”

“I am absolutely sure to be the most democratic man to ever become Prime Minister in Italy.”

“Go and read the black book on communism and you'll find that under Mao's China they didn't eat babies but they boiled them to fertilize the fields.”

“The women of the Right are certainly the most beautiful … the Left has no taste, not even when it comes to women.”

“They keep calling me a dwarf, but I'm taller than Sarkozy and Putin.”

“The public prosecutor … should be subject to regular examinations to attest to sanity.”

“I used all my playboy skills and courted the Finnish President.”

Ray Hudson’s Top 10 Quotes

2015-02-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

I am a huge fan of Ray Hudson and it has been a while seen I have written something about the best football commentator on the planet.

After looking at who should I feature in this weekly piece, what better way to start the month that celebrates love and affection than to give some love to the man who makes beIN Sports his home and uses his vocal prowess to enchant the airwaves.

"Like a happily married couple, Messi washes, Kun Aguero dries." (Argentina vs. Sweden, February 2012)

"Milito uses the old Jedi mind trick on them. Fabulous. Picks his spot, finds the target. Laser beam. Darth Vader death ray hit again…" (Barcelona vs. Real Zaragoza, December 2007)

"He better check his pulse as well, the doctor, because this game has enough tranquilizers in it to put a sperm whale to sleep…" (Hertha Berlin vs. Bayern Munich, December 2007)

“Barcelona were like a three pound chicken trying to lay a four pound egg …. Just constipated in front of goal.” (Villareal vs. Barcelona, April 2007)

“I’m telling you man, this kid could be the best thing on two legs since Sophia Loren” - Comparing former Barcelona player, Bojan Krkic to the Italian actress.

"Victor again does his impersonation of the Exxon and spills it." (Racing vs. Barcelona, 11 March 2012)

"Llorente has an absolutely impossible task to hit that first time. Well, he just threw a pint glass into a shot glass. Astonishing." (Athletic Bilbao vs. Manchester United, 15 March 2012)

“Messi…the Mozart of our game. The rest? Banjo players.” - Describing Messi’s play.

"He's a competitor. . . . He'd stab his grandmother in the eyes just for another bowl of porridge." - Describing DC United midfielder Dema Kovalenko

"Without penetration, it's just masturbation, and right now, we're playing with ourselves." - Discussing DC United inability to score goals when he was coaching them

10 Best Eric Cantona Quotes

2015-01-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

Eric Cantona is an icon of French football and of Manchester United. It is very hard to think of either one without thinking of the other.

Cantona was a free spirit on and off the field, leaving everything he had inside the playing surface and always being outspoken about the game and its participants.

If you decide to look at what his best quotes are, some are football related and some are not, but all of them give you a glimpse into the man that he is. Eric Cantona has no equal for what he did and for who he is.

Here are ten of his best quotes.

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."

"Sometimes you surprise the goalkeeper and sometimes the goalkeeper surprises you. In my career, I tried to do more of the first than the second."

"When times are difficult, I tell myself, 'I'm just passing through.'"

"My best moment? I have a lot of good moments but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan."

"It's my country but I don't want to know about France - I was born there but I feel English."

"The French have only negative things to say about everything and everyone."

"Often there are players who have only football as a way of expressing themselves and never develop other interests. And when they no longer play football, they no longer do anything; they no longer exist, or rather they have the sensation of no longer existing."

"Sometimes you get submerged by emotion. I think it's very important to express it - which doesn't necessarily mean hitting someone."

"The real fans of football come from the working class. Now they cannot afford to come and watch the game."

"I don't think we can be entirely happy seeing such misery around us."

10 Best Sir Bobby Robson Quotes

2015-01-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

While not a fan of any of the teams coached by Sir Bobby Robson, I cannot say enough about how great this man was. He was indeed one of the great gentlemen of the game of football and when he died the game lost someone who was loved and adored by all.

I have never met anyone that has had anything bad to say about him and I don’t think such a person even exists. I had the pleasure to follow his career as a coach when he moved to Portugal to first coach Sporting CP and then FC Porto, and while I hated those teams and the titles he won with FC Porto the league was better just for having him in it.

It is only fair that this week’s best quotes are from Sir Bobby Robson, a man that has become synonymous with class in a game that sometimes can be classless.

Here are my ten favorite Sir Bobby Robson quotes.

"We can't replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?"

“We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought.”

"With Maradona, even Arsenal would have won the World Cup." (in 1986)

"He's the only man I know who could start an argument with himself" (On Craig Bellamy)

"People want success. It's like coffee, they want instant."

“Alan Shearer has done very well for us, considering his age. We have introduced some movement into his game because he has got two good legs now. Last season he played with one leg.”

"Gary Speed has never played better, never looked fitter, never been older."

“The margin is very marginal.”

"When Gazza was dribbling, he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket."

“Some of the goals were good, some of the goals were sceptical.”

10 Best Franz Beckenbauer Quotes

2015-01-13T12:00:00.000-05:00

Frans Beckenbauer is one of the most iconic German players of all time. He has won the World Cup with Germany as a player and as a manager something that is not at the reach of everyone.

Der Kaiser, as he is known by fans, has never been a man that has lacked passion or opinion, and is always quick to let everyone know what he thinks on any given subject.

Here are 10 of his most incredible quotes, like him or not, he is one of the few former players left that tells it as it is.

"They are all like prostitutes: they smoke, they're lazy, and they sleep all day." – referring to Bayern Munich players.

"Abroad, a perfect World Cup in Germany is taken as a given because the Germans are regarded as perfectionists there." – On how Germany is viewed

"The trouble for today's footballers is they have too many distractions. We used to get our old players coming to watch training with football magazines in their hands. Now, more often than not, they are checking the share prices." – On today’s players.

“As someone who played a team sport, I feel a bit uncomfortable being ranked as an individual so high.” – On how people rate him

"We are unfortunately not perceived as a particularly friendly people. We have to improve on that." – On how German’s are viewed

“The strong one doesn’t win; the one that wins is strong.”

"I was told to mark what was then the best player - Bobby Charlton. Bobby told me later that (England manager) Alf Ramsey had told him to keep an eye on this young, good-looking German guy."

"The Dutch are braver and more creative players, but less disciplined. They want to let the opponent see and feel that they're better, but they forget to score and settle the game." - On the Dutch style of play

“The most important thing however is the money. What use would it be to us, to have a mighty stadium but a useless team, because we couldn't afford anything better?”

“Certainly it is a different world for players nowadays. But it depends on the individual.”

10 Best Quotes from Pep’s Guardiola New Book

2014-12-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

Spanish journalist Marti Perarnau was given incredible access to Pep Guardiola during his first year in charge of Bayern Munich and the result is one of 2014 best football books.

Very candid and open, a side of Pep Guardiola that we hadn’t seen before is what you get when you open the book and dive in. Once you sit down with the book, you realize that you have been granted a glimpse at the life of one of football’s top managers. The book is “The Inside Story of Pep Guardiola’s First Season at Bayern Munich”.

Here are 10 of the best quotes from the book.

"I know Mourinho only too well and he's trying to provoke me into a reaction. I'm not going to react, I'm not going to answer back. Only when I think the time is right."

"I hate tiki-taka. I always will. I want nothing more to do with tiki-taka. Tiki-taka is a load of shit, a made-up term. It means passing the ball for the sake of passing, with no real aim or aggression - nothing. I will not allow my brilliant players to fall for all that rubbish."

"Mesut Özil is the dangerous one - he's the one we need to keep the closest eye on. Mikel Arteta draws you in, Özil pops up in that zone with Santi Cazorla and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain - that's the way that they achieve superiority. We can't afford that to happen."

"Lahm is a scandal. He is super-intelligent, understands the game brilliantly, knows when to come inside or to stay wide. The guy is fucking exceptional."

"The first half against Arsenal at the Emirates in the Champions League [2010] and the first half against Chelsea in the semi-final of 2012. We never played better than those two days."

"I like this atmosphere. I could see myself coaching here one day."

"I sit down and watch two or three videos. I take notes. That's when that flash of inspiration comes - the moment that makes sense of my profession. The instant I know, for sure, that I've got it. I know how to win. It only lasts for about a minute, but it's the moment that my job becomes truly meaningful."

"When you see Leo in the space between the lines down the middle, don't hesitate. Give him the ball."

"I got it wrong, man. I got it totally wrong. It's a monumental fuck-up. A total mess. The biggest fuck-up of my life as a coach." (speaking about Real Madrid’s 4-0 win at Bayern Munich

"If you train badly, you play badly. If you work like a beast in training, you play the same way. And these guys, they train like beasts"

10 Best Joey Barton Quotes

2014-12-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

Nobody provides better sound bites in English football than Jose Mourinho but a very close second has to be Joey Barton. The bad boy of English football has the ability to throw more verbal jabs than any of his fellow team mates and opponents, and they are vicious, funny and sometimes just plain stupid, but always entertaining.

The invention of Twitter has given Barton an open medium to vent all his anger and his frustrations, and begs the question of what would he do if he didn’t have Twitter. Perhaps he would write a best seller, I don’t doubt his ability to put something together in time for the holiday season. Until he decides to do that, we have him on Twitter and other social media, unleashing jabs at anybody that crosses his path.

"If there is a God. If you do exist. Prove yourself. Take out either Chiles or Townsend with a stray bolt of lightning. The nation awaits."

Joey on his former team mate and manager Alan shearer:
"I really don't like that prick, in fact I honestly despise him...I'd take it off Hansen and Lineker but not from that bell, same fella that stamped on Neil Lennon,then threatened FA if they banned him"

"Can someone take the helium of Carragher for the after the match stuff. Dogs all over England standing to attention every time he speaks..."

Barton on Justin Bieber:
"He looks little a shaved little bird with earrings. This is a truly fucked up world, if he's 'cool'".

On Suarez incident:
"People are going on like he's actually eaten someone. Nobody has died. Worse things happen in nurseries every day of the week. Move on FFS!"

More Ranting on Thatcher-
"£8m cost to the taxpayers for a state funeral? She enriched her friends at cost of millions of jobs. She should pay for her own funeral!"

After seeing David Beckham's Super Bowl advert for a new range of underwear, Joey tweeted. ..
"Not arsed if they're Beckham's or not. 9.99 pounds for a pair of gruds for H&M is an outrage, do one Becks. They cost about 1p to make in a sweat shop in the Third World, is there no limit to what 'Brand Beckham' will endorse for a pound note?"

"If your over the age of 14 and are male and listen to Justin Bieber, then you my friend are on a slippery slope."

"The reason I'm successful is that I work hard. I'm more intelligent than about 97% of the British Isles. If anything football has held me back. If I wasn't a footballer I'd be still more successful than 97% of youse. Still harder working than 97% of youse. Still living life not just taking part. Some of you want to get off you arse's and take part in life. Before you know it you will be dead and know one will even know u existed"

"Neymar is like the Justin Bieber of football. Brilliant on the old YouTube. Cat piss in reality ..."

10 Greatest George Best Quotes

2014-11-25T12:00:00.001-05:00

Today is the anniversary of the death of George Best. He passed away in November 25th 2005 at the age of 59 but he left the footballing world incredible memories of his playing days and of his off the field stories.

He was a larger than life person, with an appetite for alcohol and woman that perhaps was only matched by his incredible ability to play football. A legend of the game that left us too early but for sure will never be forgotten.

He was one of the greats that this beautiful game has ever seen and one that we will all remember.

What better way to celebrate his life on the anniversary of his passing than to put together his 10 best quotes, these should all remind us of how funny he was but also how aware he was of his own daemons and problems.

"I once said Gazza's IQ was less than his shirt number and he asked me: "What's an IQ?"
George Best on Paul Gascoigne

"He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's all right." Best on David Beckham

"There have been a few players described as the new George Best over the years, but this is the first time it's been a compliment to me." Best on Cristiano Ronaldo

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." Best on his spending

“I was born with a great gift, and sometimes with that come a destructive streak.” Best on his life

“I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep.” Best on his alcohol abuse

“Love is about mutual respect, apart from attraction.” Best on love

“I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World.” Best on his sex life

"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life." Best on his additions

"If you'd given me the choice of going out and beating four men and smashing a goal in from thirty yards against Liverpool or going to bed with Miss World, it would have been a difficult choice. Luckily, I had both." Best on his life